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#1 Cleopatra

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Posted 04 November 2006 - 12:26 PM

Its Saturday today. I got up and said my prayers then went on to do the daily chores. After that I played some music and tried to read a bit. Then my mind began to wander - I wish I had a partner. Today I really felt that I dont want to continue being on my own. My relationship with someone I really loved and got on well with just ended 2 months ago. He left the country. I really miss him. During the week I go to work and come straight home. All around me are people who are either married of partnered. I feel isolated. I also ask myself where are all the real men. I also wish I had someone to talk to and hug. My hairdresser(a male) said something that really made me sad. He said that its a known fact that men cant stay with one woman. So does that mean as a single woman I have to become someones mistress? I dont think so. I'm looking for a decent, GOD fearing man who is after GOD'S own heart. Someone whom I can pray with, an intellectual with a good heart. I'm reminded of Song of Songs that says we should not arouse love until it so desires. As a single how do we control the feelings given to us by GOD? I'm told that I should busy my mind, focus on other things they say. Easier said than done. Even though I still am single Ive realised that a relationship in the will of GOD is the best. So no matter what I will wait upon the Lord and continue to thank HIM for the man HE will bring into my life. Lord please strengthen me and help to keep myself pure for my husband. Thank you in Jesus name.
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#2 Debp

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Posted 04 November 2006 - 07:21 PM

Its Saturday today. I got up and said my prayers then went on to do the daily chores. After that I played some music and tried to read a bit. Then my mind began to wander - I wish I had a partner. Today I really felt that I dont want to continue being on my own. My relationship with someone I really loved and got on well with just ended 2 months ago. He left the country. I really miss him. During the week I go to work and come straight home. All around me are people who are either married of partnered. I feel isolated. I also ask myself where are all the real men. I also wish I had someone to talk to and hug. My hairdresser(a male) said something that really made me sad. He said that its a known fact that men cant stay with one woman. So does that mean as a single woman I have to become someones mistress? I dont think so. I'm looking for a decent, GOD fearing man who is after GOD'S own heart. Someone whom I can pray with, an intellectual with a good heart. I'm reminded of Song of Songs that says we should not arouse love until it so desires. As a single how do we control the feelings given to us by GOD? I'm told that I should busy my mind, focus on other things they say. Easier said than done. Even though I still am single Ive realised that a relationship in the will of GOD is the best. So no matter what I will wait upon the Lord and continue to thank HIM for the man HE will bring into my life. Lord please strengthen me and help to keep myself pure for my husband. Thank you in Jesus name.


Cleopatra, I pray that God brings the right Christian man into your life. Don't worry about what your hairdresser said....apparently, he does not understand a true believer in Christ that is walking with the Lord.

Do you meet some single Christian men at your church? Another idea might be to join a Bible study at another church in order to meet more Christian men. If you have some comitted Christian friends that you truly trust, ask them if they know of any single Christian men (walking with the Lord) that might be interested in a date with you. Sometimes Christian men have a hard time as well, finding a good Christian woman. So try to frequent as many places as you can, where Christian men might hang out. Even a Christian bookstore might be good to visit.

About your desires, I think you will have to flee them and not put yourself into a situation where you might be tempted. Keep believing the Lord will bring a good Christian man to you. I believe He will since you have a strong desire to marry.

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#3 hislifetolive

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 07:32 AM

Its Saturday today. I got up and said my prayers then went on to do the daily chores. After that I played some music and tried to read a bit. Then my mind began to wander - I wish I had a partner. Today I really felt that I dont want to continue being on my own. My relationship with someone I really loved and got on well with just ended 2 months ago. He left the country. I really miss him. During the week I go to work and come straight home. All around me are people who are either married of partnered. I feel isolated. I also ask myself where are all the real men. I also wish I had someone to talk to and hug. My hairdresser(a male) said something that really made me sad. He said that its a known fact that men cant stay with one woman. So does that mean as a single woman I have to become someones mistress? I dont think so. I'm looking for a decent, GOD fearing man who is after GOD'S own heart. Someone whom I can pray with, an intellectual with a good heart. I'm reminded of Song of Songs that says we should not arouse love until it so desires. As a single how do we control the feelings given to us by GOD? I'm told that I should busy my mind, focus on other things they say. Easier said than done. Even though I still am single Ive realised that a relationship in the will of GOD is the best. So no matter what I will wait upon the Lord and continue to thank HIM for the man HE will bring into my life. Lord please strengthen me and help to keep myself pure for my husband. Thank you in Jesus name.


Hi Cleopatra,

First, you sound like a nice gal who wants to be faithful to the Lord. That's the most important thing to remember in the situation. It's not about you (or me for that matter), it's about God. Have you thought about what God might be doing in the situation. Perhaps it was God's will in the matter to see you apart from this man. Perhaps it was not what God wanted for you. Perhaps you were not what God wanted for him. Would you rather have God's will and way or yours?

Almost everyone wants to be around another human and wants to be loved. God's solution for that is marriage. Unfortunately, our society allows and promotes what God does not. Dating, living together, "free love", are all practice sessions for divorce. We tend to move quickly in our relationship from "liking" to the physical. There's not much of the getting to "know" that special person in a spiritual sense, or "growing together" before we "come together". God made guys the way they are. We tend to be sight motivated. That's not an excuse for behaving unbiblically. It just a fact. God programs the human body to enjoy physical touch and intimacy. That doesn't mean that we get to use it any time and any place we desire. I've been married 25+ years. I have never cheated on my wife. I cannot say however, that I have never been tempted and also cannot say that I have not considered it. That too is sin, adultery in the heart according to the Bible and God does not color it differently than the physical act. Why not physical cheating but mental failures. The answer is discipline. I've disciplined my body and outward behaviors over the years. I never ran with the guys as a youngster because I was a loner type. When I got married I disciplined myself to come home after work. I disciplined myself not to take up hobbies that would take me away from my family as they are more important than any hobby. Yet, I failed to properly or adequately discipline my thinking. I'm now work on that phase in my 50's that I should have been working on in my teens and 20's.

So that's the long version of what you need to do. Discipline your thinking. It's not just about not thinking about the guy or how lonely you are. You need to fill up your mind with thinking about other things. Meditation is a lost art. Try some Bible meditation. The other responder rightly indicated filling your life with activities around your church ministry. Bible studies in small group with fellowship are wonderful. Find a close lady friend that you can meet with and pray with. Find someone who is soundly biblical in their thinking and more mature spiritually so that you can grow to their level of maturity. Don't gravitate to an immature beleiver who perhaps is divorced or has marriage problems who is going to lead you in a melancholy diatribe against men. You don't need that. And I mention it because too often we have marriage problems and we go to someone who has had a failed marriage for advice. It usually is not a good place to start. Find someone who is successfully living for the Lord and has a bright countenance for Christ written on the outward being.

Then pray. God already knows your needs and your wants. He is able to meet them both. But he does want us to ask. Ask without ceasing. Ask and keep asking. Is it important enough for you to fast and pray? (Make sure that you are healthy enough to fast and checking with your physician is always a good idea). Many of us Christians are too willing to mope and hope rather than fast and pray because we tend to like to complain. If it is important then seek God's face. He will either answer or change your prayer. Are you willing to accept his final word (submission) or would you rather have it your way (rebellion). God is all about meeting our needs according to his will. Make sure that as you pray you are praying for a biblical result. God is not interested in providing you a bed partner just to keep you from being lonely, even if it is one through marriage. That would just be meeting a selfish desire. You can discipline yourself into the right thinking and waiting on the Lord for his will. I know a couple of older women who have never been married and served the Lord faithfully despite wanting to be married. They live full lives giving themselves to others in the ministry. They stayed faithful to their single calling and did not get a long look permanently on their face and left the details up to the Lord. Do what you can to make yourself attractive both physically and spiritually. Don't get wrapped up in your little lonely world. There are some godly Christian guys out there who want to meet a godly young lady who wants to be pure. Stay pure because that's your obligation to the Lord. Wait on God for the rest. He is faithful and truly wants to meets your needs. Don't get down on yourself or God. Sometimes getting the best takes a little longer.

Scott
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#4 Debp

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Posted 05 April 2007 - 03:27 PM

Hi Cleopatra,

First, you sound like a nice gal who wants to be faithful to the Lord. That's the most important thing to remember in the situation. It's not about you (or me for that matter), it's about God. Have you thought about what God might be doing in the situation. Perhaps it was God's will in the matter to see you apart from this man. Perhaps it was not what God wanted for you. Perhaps you were not what God wanted for him. Would you rather have God's will and way or yours?

Almost everyone wants to be around another human and wants to be loved. God's solution for that is marriage. Unfortunately, our society allows and promotes what God does not. Dating, living together, "free love", are all practice sessions for divorce. We tend to move quickly in our relationship from "liking" to the physical. There's not much of the getting to "know" that special person in a spiritual sense, or "growing together" before we "come together". God made guys the way they are. We tend to be sight motivated. That's not an excuse for behaving unbiblically. It just a fact. God programs the human body to enjoy physical touch and intimacy. That doesn't mean that we get to use it any time and any place we desire. I've been married 25+ years. I have never cheated on my wife. I cannot say however, that I have never been tempted and also cannot say that I have not considered it. That too is sin, adultery in the heart according to the Bible and God does not color it differently than the physical act. Why not physical cheating but mental failures. The answer is discipline. I've disciplined my body and outward behaviors over the years. I never ran with the guys as a youngster because I was a loner type. When I got married I disciplined myself to come home after work. I disciplined myself not to take up hobbies that would take me away from my family as they are more important than any hobby. Yet, I failed to properly or adequately discipline my thinking. I'm now work on that phase in my 50's that I should have been working on in my teens and 20's.

So that's the long version of what you need to do. Discipline your thinking. It's not just about not thinking about the guy or how lonely you are. You need to fill up your mind with thinking about other things. Meditation is a lost art. Try some Bible meditation. The other responder rightly indicated filling your life with activities around your church ministry. Bible studies in small group with fellowship are wonderful. Find a close lady friend that you can meet with and pray with. Find someone who is soundly biblical in their thinking and more mature spiritually so that you can grow to their level of maturity. Don't gravitate to an immature beleiver who perhaps is divorced or has marriage problems who is going to lead you in a melancholy diatribe against men. You don't need that. And I mention it because too often we have marriage problems and we go to someone who has had a failed marriage for advice. It usually is not a good place to start. Find someone who is successfully living for the Lord and has a bright countenance for Christ written on the outward being.

Then pray. God already knows your needs and your wants. He is able to meet them both. But he does want us to ask. Ask without ceasing. Ask and keep asking. Is it important enough for you to fast and pray? (Make sure that you are healthy enough to fast and checking with your physician is always a good idea). Many of us Christians are too willing to mope and hope rather than fast and pray because we tend to like to complain. If it is important then seek God's face. He will either answer or change your prayer. Are you willing to accept his final word (submission) or would you rather have it your way (rebellion). God is all about meeting our needs according to his will. Make sure that as you pray you are praying for a biblical result. God is not interested in providing you a bed partner just to keep you from being lonely, even if it is one through marriage. That would just be meeting a selfish desire. You can discipline yourself into the right thinking and waiting on the Lord for his will. I know a couple of older women who have never been married and served the Lord faithfully despite wanting to be married. They live full lives giving themselves to others in the ministry. They stayed faithful to their single calling and did not get a long look permanently on their face and left the details up to the Lord. Do what you can to make yourself attractive both physically and spiritually. Don't get wrapped up in your little lonely world. There are some godly Christian guys out there who want to meet a godly young lady who wants to be pure. Stay pure because that's your obligation to the Lord. Wait on God for the rest. He is faithful and truly wants to meets your needs. Don't get down on yourself or God. Sometimes getting the best takes a little longer.

Scott


Hi Scott, good to have you here and thanks for your good reply to Cleopatra!

Just want to let you know Cleopatra has moved or is in the process of moving (she lives in Zimbabwe)....and she said her new apartment doesn't have a phone line, so she won't be on the internet. Hopefully, she might get access to a computer somewhere else once in a while. So hopefully she will see your reply then. God bless.
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#5 Cleopatra

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Posted 10 May 2007 - 03:03 PM

Hi Scott,
I am sorry but I only got to see your posting this evening. You have certainly given me good advice and I appreciate it. The other night I searched for a reason as to why I feel so lonely at times. Having to separate from the man who was so much a part of my life for 2 and a half years it was not easy. It felt like a death and I had to go through the mourning process. However I have made myself busy in the mean time. I study in the evening and I try to fellowship as much as I can at prayer meetings etc. A huge part of my time is taken up due to my studies and then over the weekend I feel that I just want to relax. On the subject of meeting with other spiritual friends - yes I do have one lady whom I try to see over the weekends. I too am a loner and a bit fussy when it comes to clustering with people. I tend to feel out with some of my friends because we operate on different levels. So that is why at times I do feel the loneliness. I miss this man because we practically did everything together but you are so right when you say that maybe he is not GOD'S best for me or vice versa. There were times when I would leave home to go to the shop in the hope of meeting someone. But we all know that GOD's timing does not work according to our timing. I have matured and by reading lots of Christian literature I have grown. I also am learning to cope with being single and yes I do want GOD'S will. Discipline is indeed important. GOD surely knows the plans He has for me and if I try to move ahead of His plans then I will keep falling. Thank you for your honest testimony on discipline. I remember the words of a man who travelled alot. He said it was impossible to stay faithful whilst away from his wife. Whilst I can't answer him because I have never been in his predicament, I do know that with GOD all things are possible.
Thank you Scott, I have been encouraged.
GOD bless

Edited by Cleopatra, 10 May 2007 - 03:08 PM.

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#6 busybee39

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Posted 18 July 2007 - 10:31 PM

Cleopatra,
I can relate to your loneliness problem as a single. Don't let the separation from the man let you down or destroy you. The man was probably not the right one for you. I've met many women whom I thought looked good on their profile, but turned out to be not such a good choice. You're going to have to accept singlehood for a while longer and look for the little things God wants to show you. When God took my mother home last year, I had an arduous time dealing with the separation from my mother. The separation did me a lot of good. I'm much more receptive now to what people say in their conversations, doing more things for myself such as cooking and doing my laundry, and having an even bigger heart towards helping other people. If it were not for my mother's physical death, I would have not learned to do these things for myself on a regular basis. I feel that this is a big step towards what God is preparing me for. It's scary for me at times, but I trust God to know what He's doing. :unsure:

Sometimes the Lord works in strange ways to bring two depressed people together to satisfy each other's need as in the case of my first trip to Spirit West Coast last summer. I prayed for a companion to travel with me and share my camp site together after enduring the loss of my mother for four months. A friend whom I had known for a few years who had been to Spirit West Coast before emailed me to ask if she could stay on my camp site. I appreciated having her stay with me and showing me around the music festival and campgrounds. She appreciated not only my companionship to ease her depression, but also new foods I cooked for her which she never tried. Believe it or not, it was the first time I cooked for a woman and I did it well. She ended up begging for my recipes (not exaggerating). :teehee: She is older than me and has different expectations in a relationship than me, but it's wonderful to see how God can send people in our lives to keep us from being lonely. As in my case, you may want to pray for a companion to satisfy each others' needs - someone who is going through a similar situation and someone who has a need that you can satisfy. God might even answer your prayers like He did with me and my friend. :priest:

Edited by busybee39, 18 July 2007 - 10:40 PM.

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#7 Cleopatra

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Posted 23 July 2007 - 07:49 AM

Good advice Busybee,

My ex, though we had alot in common, was not the right person for me. I realise that I am now on a journey of self discovery. You are right - I have become receptive about many things including the fact that I was once so willing to settle for second best and not GOD'S best. About a month ago I decided that I am going to enjoy my singleness and pray and wait for GOD'S best. This decision is the best for me. 3 Cheers for allowing GOD to work within and for me. GOD bless
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#8 Butterfly27

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Posted 17 March 2009 - 05:52 PM

Its Saturday today. I got up and said my prayers then went on to do the daily chores. After that I played some music and tried to read a bit. Then my mind began to wander - I wish I had a partner. Today I really felt that I dont want to continue being on my own. My relationship with someone I really loved and got on well with just ended 2 months ago. He left the country. I really miss him. During the week I go to work and come straight home. All around me are people who are either married of partnered. I feel isolated. I also ask myself where are all the real men. I also wish I had someone to talk to and hug. My hairdresser(a male) said something that really made me sad. He said that its a known fact that men cant stay with one woman. So does that mean as a single woman I have to become someones mistress? I dont think so. I'm looking for a decent, GOD fearing man who is after GOD'S own heart. Someone whom I can pray with, an intellectual with a good heart. I'm reminded of Song of Songs that says we should not arouse love until it so desires. As a single how do we control the feelings given to us by GOD? I'm told that I should busy my mind, focus on other things they say. Easier said than done. Even though I still am single Ive realised that a relationship in the will of GOD is the best. So no matter what I will wait upon the Lord and continue to thank HIM for the man HE will bring into my life. Lord please strengthen me and help to keep myself pure for my husband. Thank you in Jesus name.


Hi.
I too can relate to your experience with a man or men in general. I do not agree with your hairdresser though. I've just been reading some peoples topics and found that I too stand where you are. I can give you some good spiritual encouragement. I'm new on this website. I'm just getting off work and as soon as I can get to my computer I will shoot you another message. Hope to talk more with you....;)
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#9 Cleopatra

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Posted 21 June 2009 - 02:03 PM

Wow! Its been a very long time since my finitial post on this thread. I just happened tp browse through and read again what I had initially posted. I am touched by how sad and lonely I was back then. However, I am here again to update you on what has taken place in my life since then.

Its so strange that its gone just over 3 years since I became single in the true sense and how this past weekend my thoughts drifted to my ex partner. Yes, I do miss him and I felt as if my wound was re-opening but I immediately cast down those negative thoughts. I will try to explain my ljourney very briefly. I decided that I wanted to be totally committed to GOD and my children as well as helping people. I prayed to GOD and asked Him to help me focus on Him and asked how I could be a blessing to Him, my children and other people. An amazing transformation occurred. I began to look at life on the bright side and concentrated on positively impacting other lives. I realised that I was not made complete in a man but that I was made complete in Christ. A friend once joked that I was being a coward because I didnt want to get involved since I was afraid of being hurt again. Maybe so, but then I realised that as I went about seeking GOD and His kingdom first, my joy returned and I realised that my single life was important to Him. With GOD, I know that my life has become more meaningful. I no longer feel sorry for myself that I am the only one in my circle of friends that is not partnered or that I am missing out on so much just because I am single. No, on the contrary, my life as a singleton has allowed to be busy with GODS work! If GOD sees fit for me to get married, then so be it but until then, I am going to enjoy this precious single life to the fullest, which GOD has blessed me with. To all the singletons out there - please join me in giving glory to GOD by embracing our situations and living meaningful lives. Amen
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#10 SongBird

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Posted 10 June 2010 - 08:31 PM

Amen.

I know how you feel. I have wanted to get married since i was very young. God never sent me a christian man to date, nevermind marry. I am at an age now that I realize I will never have children and I am still single too. But I found out that like St. Paul once said . . . he said he thought that its better to stay the way you were when you found the Lord e.g. if you were single stay single - if you were married stay married etc. Because I found out that single I have more freedom to serve the Lord in so many ways that I can never do as a married woman. God's plan for your life is best and he is in complete control. That is not to say that marriage and kids are totally out of the question but its not probable (at least for me). I say have faith, serve the Lord, and never close the door.

God bless,
-SB

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#11 Debp

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Posted 11 June 2010 - 11:13 PM

I am single, too, but I have always been ok with that. I guess it's a single calling. But I can understand those that really want to get married...
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Posted 19 December 2010 - 08:21 AM

i am dr sukumar from india serching god fear who trust in jesus christ and love of our lord jesus christ .so serching i am single if you agree ok please pray for that god bless you thanks
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#13 Cleopatra

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 05:33 AM

Hi.

Just thought I could post an update. November 2006 was a looong time ago.

I am still very much a singleton but, no longer lonely - I am still single but filled - filled with the Lifegiving power of the Word of GOD! Praise GOD for His mercies are new everyday!
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#14 Debp

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Posted 28 June 2011 - 08:07 PM

Hi.

Just thought I could post an update. November 2006 was a looong time ago.

I am still very much a singleton but, no longer lonely - I am still single but filled - filled with the Lifegiving power of the Word of GOD! Praise GOD for His mercies are new everyday!


Thanks for updating us, Cleo! So many people visit and leave, so it's always nice when someone returns and gives us some good news in Jesus!
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#15 Cleopatra

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 06:37 AM

Update:

Single - Yes and no. I have no physical partner but I am in a relationship with Christ and therefore I am satisfied. My desire is to bring glory to Him.

Lonely - No. I am never alone. GOD is my all in all.

Do I miss intimacy with another human - I do, but its not something that consumes me.

Do I still have insecurities - I lie if I say that I don¨t. I am GOD¨S work in progress. From 2006 to date, GOD continues to carry me.

Do I have hope in what is uncertain - no, I do not hope in the empty promises of man.

Do I have hope in what is certain - yes, I have hope in the truths of GOD and these truths have set me free.

 

We serve a mighty GOD indeed.


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#16 Debp

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Posted 20 August 2017 - 11:41 PM

Thanks Cleo... encouraging words for all of us.
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#17 Cleopatra

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Posted 21 August 2017 - 02:59 AM

Just to add on - i work a morning job and I still have 3 children at home(soon to be 2). Im also involved in church activities. I wonder how I will feel when all the children have left home? Although, they are already so busy in their lives with church, friends etc. Sunday past I was home alone and I just got busy on my laptop. Having a car makes a huge difference too because Im mobile to visit people/ places.

 

A friend of mine with 2 children says she is uncomfortable being without a partner. Ive not experienced this.


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#18 Debp

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Posted 21 August 2017 - 11:50 PM

I guess when all the children leave, you might continue your activities that make you feel useful...and even just do a hobby sometimes. Also, look forward to your grandchildren! You won't be alone for sure!
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#19 Cleopatra

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Posted 26 August 2017 - 01:11 PM

Today, another single friend of mine mentioned that she often goes away for a weekend whenever she can. I got to thinking and I must admit that I wouldnt mind a weekend away - but it must be meaningful. It would mean nothing for me to get away with ladies who are on a different journey than mine(no judgement meant to my friends). Unfortunately the church I attend only has retreats for married couples. I had some fellowship last night with  a few people from a preaching club im a part of. It was such sweet fellowship and i came away refreshed in the Lord. I enjoy doing meaningful things like this.  When we belong to Jesus, our inner self is being renewed day by day. Im looking beyond what is temporary to what is truly beautiful and eternal. I remind myself that when we become believers in Christ we take on a new way of thinking with new values  etc and all that we do become acts of worship to GOD. Isnt this amazing?


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#20 Debp

Debp

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Posted 27 August 2017 - 12:28 AM

That's so great you have the good fellowship of that preaching club, Cleo...
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