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Missionary Dating??


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#1 Debp

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Posted 09 September 2007 - 06:25 PM

Note by Debp: I have to admit this is the first time I've ever heard of "missionary dating". I believe that true Christians should only date other Christians. I believe this because of the many temptations involved in dating (even sometimes when dating another Christian). Also, I have seen alot of instances when Christians can be hurt or "go downhill" if they get involved in dating a non-Christian.

The only exception I believe in is if a few or several Christians get together and go out with one or two non-Christians just to have some good, wholesome fun together. But, to me, this would not be considered "dating"....but a way to reach out to others in Christian love.

There are some non-Christians out there that would probably welcome some good Christian friends; people that are lonely and hurting, or just sick of the "world"....and who knows if your (platonic) friendship with them will help lead them to know the Lord? Or, at least, it will help them to realize what true Christians are really like.....perhaps a seed planted that the Lord will use later in their lives to bring them to Himself?




The Challenges of Missionary Dating for Christian Teens
by Kelli Mahoney,

Should You Consider Dating a Non-Christian?

Unless you go to a Christian school where you only meet devout Christian teens, it is likely that you will have friends that are non-Christians. Yet, what do you do when you become attracted to one of those non-Christians? Should you consider missionary dating? What does the Bible say about dating non-believers, and how do you apply that in the world you live in?

What is Missionary Dating?

Most people consider it missionary dating when you date a non-believer thinking that you will "convert" him or her to Christianity. Some people also call it "evangelistic dating." While most people fall into missionary dating because they find someone they are attracted to and want to date, there are some people that seek out missionary dating opportunities in order to convert people to Christianity.

What Does the Bible Say?


There are two scriptures to which most people refer when they warn Christians about missionary dating:

2 Corinthians 6:14 - "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?" (NIV)
1 Corinthians 7:39 - "A woman is bound to her husband as long as he lives. But if her husband dies, she is free to marry anyone she wishes, but he must belong to the Lord." (NIV)

Meanwhile, others that support missionary dating refer to scriptures about witnessing and spreading the gospel:

Matthew 28:19-20 - "Go to the people of all nations and make them my disciples. Baptize them in the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, and teach them to do everything I have told you. I will be with you always, even until the end of the world." (CEV)
Jude 1:23 - "Rescue any who need to be saved, as you would rescue someone from a fire. Then with fear in your own hearts, have mercy on everyone who needs it." (CEV)
1 Peter 3:15 - "Honor Christ and let him be the Lord of your life. Always be ready to give an answer when someone asks you about your hope." (CEV)

Arguments Against Missionary Dating

While there are a number of Bible verses warning Christians against marrying non-Christians, there are also some other major reasons to question missionary dating. One of the arguments against missionary dating is the possibility that the relationship could cause the Christian to backslide. Non-Christians do not always live by Biblical standards, so the dating relationship can be big on temptations for the Christian.

The different way of living and differing values can also be a difficult hurdle for interfaith couples. A non-Christian may think that pre-marital sex, drinking, smoking, and lying are all acceptable behaviors. Your values could be very different, causing a number of arguments. He or she may not understand that you need time to pray or read your Bible. They may not be willing to go to church. The difference in values can sometimes be a lot to overcome.

Another argument against missionary dating involves questioning the reasons for someone becoming a Christian. Did he or she do it because of a connection to God or to impress you? This question can sometimes cause a Christian to doubt the dating partner's faith.

Is It Ever Successful?

Missionary dating can work out in the end, but not as often as most teens would like to believe. While people who are "lukewarm" in their faith tend to see more success in dating or marrying non-believers, the situation is much more challenging if you are strong in your faith. However, there are couples that have overcome the hurdles and both people become stronger Christians.

Many of the scriptures seem to discourage marriages between a Christian and non-Christian, so some people feel that dating is not the same. So dating a non-Christian could also come down to your views of dating. Is it something you do casually or in the pursuit of marriage? That view will end up framing your view of missionary dating.

Whether you view missionary dating as acceptable or not acceptable, realize that it will be a challenge. While some Christian teens feel it is okay to date non-Christians, there will be larger hurdles of values and temptations to overcome than when Christians date fellow believers. These hurdles may, for some, not make missionary dating worth the effort. Yet others find that, if the efforts pay off in conversions, then the hurdles were well worth it.
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#2 Cleopatra

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Posted 11 September 2007 - 07:30 AM

Deb,

I have to agree with you that Chriatians should only date other Christians. The problems of dating otherwise far outweigh dating a Christian. Plse note that I have personally reached this decision after dating non-Christians myself and encountering problems too numerous to mention. You may say that Christians are not perfect and fall as well. I heard of a story whereby a couple who were supposedly strong Christians, suffered a divorce because the husband was having an affair that produced a child with his mistress. This clearly showed that the husband was a shallow Christian as he lived a lie with his wife. what a shame!
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#3 Debp

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Posted 11 September 2007 - 05:28 PM

Deb,

I have to agree with you that Chriatians should only date other Christians. The problems of dating otherwise far outweigh dating a Christian. Plse note that I have personally reached this decision after dating non-Christians myself and encountering problems too numerous to mention. You may say that Christians are not perfect and fall as well. I heard of a story whereby a couple who were supposedly strong Christians, suffered a divorce because the husband was having an affair that produced a child with his mistress. This clearly showed that the husband was a shallow Christian as he lived a lie with his wife. what a shame!


That is really sad about the Christian couple. That is why we all need to be so careful about temptation....better to nip things in the bud rather than to let them get started.
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#4 busybee39

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 01:44 AM

That is really sad about the Christian couple. That is why we all need to be so careful about temptation....better to nip things in the bud rather than to let them get started.


Debp, I have to agree that "Missionary" dating is not a good idea for lukewarm Christians to get involved in. They will spiritually fall unless they are spiritually mature and know how to recognize all of the signs of a person being controlled by Satan and the "missionary" remain in control of the situation. It is too tempting for a teenage to want to fall in love and forget about being spiritually in control of themselves. I remember reading a Scripture-based book on dating - Dating: Guidelines from the Bible by Scott Kirby (Baker Book House) and read the book almost in one sitting. I still vividly remember the example of how a high school student dated and married a non-Christian lawyer. She not only ended up getting a divorce, but she completely stopped her relationship with Jesus Christ. When a couple of her friends asked her about her relationship with Christ six months later, she told them not to mention any more about Jesus and asked them to leave. I still remember my worst five-month relationship four years ago with a "Christian" woman overseas. After learning about her bad past, I wanted to help her seek healing over her broken childhood through the same healing ministry program which I went through to resolve my past issues of bitterness and pain from abuse. I did see a few indications of her controlling behavior in her telephone conversations and emails, but I ignored them. When the time came to meet her in person, I was in for a real shock. She tried to keep me from having any contact with my family, wanted me to pay for everything, lying through her actions, and abusing not only me but her four year old daughter as well. I thank the Lord daily for rescuing me out of a bad relationship and I know that I deserve someone better. For the time being, I've stopped looking completely and am focusing on increasing my efforts in serving the Lord, preparing myself for a new career, and devouring books on what it takes to love and protect a woman and how to become an effective parent. After seeing how my unequally yoked parents and my sister led their lives, I am determined to become a much better husband and father than what I experienced while growing up.

In this day and age of single people seeking instant gratification, I would rather let God write my love story than to repeat my mistakes of trying to help a spiritually weak woman and end up being pulled away from my relationship with Jesus Christ. I not only want to be blessed for keeping my sexual purity (both before and during marriage), but I also want to become one of God's role models for the world to learn from. My bottom line: Don't be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).
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#5 Debp

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Posted 27 March 2008 - 05:10 PM

Debp, I have to agree that "Missionary" dating is not a good idea for lukewarm Christians to get involved in. They will spiritually fall unless they are spiritually mature and know how to recognize all of the signs of a person being controlled by Satan and the "missionary" remain in control of the situation. It is too tempting for a teenage to want to fall in love and forget about being spiritually in control of themselves. I remember reading a Scripture-based book on dating - Dating: Guidelines from the Bible by Scott Kirby (Baker Book House) and read the book almost in one sitting. I still vividly remember the example of how a high school student dated and married a non-Christian lawyer. She not only ended up getting a divorce, but she completely stopped her relationship with Jesus Christ. When a couple of her friends asked her about her relationship with Christ six months later, she told them not to mention any more about Jesus and asked them to leave. I still remember my worst five-month relationship four years ago with a "Christian" woman overseas. After learning about her bad past, I wanted to help her seek healing over her broken childhood through the same healing ministry program which I went through to resolve my past issues of bitterness and pain from abuse. I did see a few indications of her controlling behavior in her telephone conversations and emails, but I ignored them. When the time came to meet her in person, I was in for a real shock. She tried to keep me from having any contact with my family, wanted me to pay for everything, lying through her actions, and abusing not only me but her four year old daughter as well. I thank the Lord daily for rescuing me out of a bad relationship and I know that I deserve someone better. For the time being, I've stopped looking completely and am focusing on increasing my efforts in serving the Lord, preparing myself for a new career, and devouring books on what it takes to love and protect a woman and how to become an effective parent. After seeing how my unequally yoked parents and my sister led their lives, I am determined to become a much better husband and father than what I experienced while growing up.

In this day and age of single people seeking instant gratification, I would rather let God write my love story than to repeat my mistakes of trying to help a spiritually weak woman and end up being pulled away from my relationship with Jesus Christ. I not only want to be blessed for keeping my sexual purity (both before and during marriage), but I also want to become one of God's role models for the world to learn from. My bottom line: Don't be yoked together with unbelievers (2 Corinthians 6:14).


Amen. Glad the Lord rescued you from that bad relationship. I posted an article (forgot the name just now) in the single tips section. It's about making sure that a prospective mate's "walk and talk" line up....that someone is not just feeding you spiritual talk, thinking they can marry you that way.
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#6 Cleopatra

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Posted 23 October 2014 - 03:25 AM

A Christian is not free to marry outside the Lord because they will become so emtionally entangled. A Christian man or woman who wants to marry a follower of Jesus must search for someone who has learned about dying to self in absolute surrender to Christ. Perhaps, we can become this man or woman before looking for such.


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